Most days I feel I do pretty ok, in terms of getting over difficult times in the past. Occasionally, a word, action, someone bringing up something from those troubled times sends me spiralling downward into a pit of despair, literally. I wind up coming out of it eventually, sometimes he bothers to ask what is up, and I find I can speak frankly. It really doesn't matter if I do though, because he only sees anger when I do.
He perceives anger in me so much, when that is the furthest emotion from me. It's projected most of the time.
Forgiveness is hard. What do I do with the remembering? What do I do with the heartache and unresolved questions?
He seems basically - decent - now. I think if I had his truth to my questions, it might be more than just "seems".
I wait for my world bubble to pop.
I'm not surprised by the notion, nor wishful that it won't.
Everything comes to an end. It's a matter of time.
I expect nothing. Everything - and I do mean everything - is a such a superficial face value.
I've learned a lot about judgement and pre-conceived notions in the last year, and acceptance.
I remember these hurtful times every day still.
The past doesn't go away. The past doesn't own me like it used to, but it hurts me daily.
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